Surrogate Mothers
- This Or That Mom
- May 24, 2019
- 9 min read
Growing a child is a beautiful experience, but as a woman who has endured two pregnancies, I can say in confidence it is no easy task. From the physical toll of extreme body changes, nausea, and intermittent exhaustion, to mood swings caused by chaotic hormones - it’s a lot of work on the body and mind.
And then there’s labor, delivery, and recovery. After nine (really ten) months of carrying and growing a child, labor comes. Each labor and delivery varies from woman to woman of course, but regardless of how well yours goes you are almost guaranteed to experience a significant amount of pain and exhaustion, and a full recovery can take up to months.
Despite all these struggles, us women do it anyway because we all know the prize is well-worth it. A child to love.
But what about surrogate moms? What about the women who offer to grow another person’s child inside them. The women who go through all the hard stuff... for someone else.
I didn't know much about the surrogacy process until I reached out to some surrogate mothers, and I can’t help but have the utmost respect toward them and their passion for helping others grow their families. What a beautiful opportunity! And on top of giving the most gracious gift a person can possibly give to someone else, there are many other benefits as well to take into consideration. Read on to see why.
I asked all these AMAZING surrogate mothers what inspired them to become a surrogate, and I also asked them to share how their experience as a surrogate was beneficial for them.
What inspired you to become a surrogate?
I’ve known for a very long time that I wanted to be a surrogate. This was only cemented in my heart when I had my son 8 years ago. I knew that being a parent was incredibly important to me, and I wanted to be able to bring all that joy, love and fulfillment I felt to someone else’s life - someone, who for whatever reason, wasn’t able to do that without my help. In the end, I chose a gay couple because my sister is gay and I truly wanted to show my support for her and for the gay community. Can you share some of the benefits of your experience as a surrogate? Being a surrogate has taught me so much about myself, life and brought me into a world of amazing people. I have become very close friends with the intended parents, getting to know them, their families and their friends. I have met women who have given themselves everything they can in order to help other families. My son has learned about the spirit of giving, in a way that will impact him forever. And I have come to love myself in ways I never thought possible.
What inspired you to become a surrogate?
I have wanted to be a surrogate for several years. I wanted the opportunity to help make two people become a family with a baby of their own. Particularly two people who otherwise wouldn’t be able to have a baby of their own. My friend and his husband are amazing, kind, hard working people. When they asked me to be their surrogate I was honored and didn’t hesitate for a second.
Can you share some of the benefits of your experience as a surrogate? Being a surrogate has given me the opportunity to do something for someone else. It’s not easy physically, mentally, or emotionally to be a surrogate. However the feeling of making someone a family is extraordinary. Creating the miracle of life for a loving couple. Not everyone can say they’ve done it, and not everyone is cut out to do it. I’m grateful for the opportunity and humbled my my experience.
What inspired you to become a surrogate?
I’d always been interested in surrogacy and never wanted children of my own. When I was around 15/16 I was on a dangerous path of extreme disordered eating and a doctor told me that if I carried on I wouldn’t be able to have children. This scared me and then I realised I did want children and if I were lucky enough to conceive then I would help other families too. Fast forward 13 years later and I had my two daughters and was undergoing fertility treatment to carry my cousins little girl who is now 6 months old.
Can you share some of the benefits of your experience as a surrogate? In regards to “benefits” the main one for me is seeing the parents faces at every scan and also at the birth. Both my cousin and partner were in the room for their daughter being born and it was the best thing ever. We are hoping to go for a sibling in the next couple of years.
What inspired you to become a surrogate?
My inspiration was because of my cousin. She’s 30 and has been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) I wanted so much to help her have a baby of her own, but things didn’t work out, and I didn’t end up helping her. After that, I was still stuck on the idea of helping a family have a baby, so I did my research and found a surrogacy agency local to me :) Can you share some of the benefits of your experience as a surrogate? The benefits: Giving a family a child. You’re part of another family now and they will forever remember you Compensation, of course. Pamper Packages through the agency The chance to travel to another country for the embryo transfer The overall experience is an amazing journey and I would do it all over again. The bond that you create with the intended parents is indescribable.
What inspired you to become a surrogate? I really always wanted to become a surrogate. I have had quite a few friends that have struggled with fertility and I felt like this is a way of helping someone. My first daughter was in the NICU for 6 weeks after her birth, and during that time, I got to see all the things that can go wrong in a pregnancy. We were very lucky, her issue was minor. My second pregnancy was easy and complication free. If I could give my fertility to someone else, I would. Can you share some of the benefits of your experience as a surrogate? It helped grow my family. I have a very good relationship with my intended fathers. They are uncles to my daughters, and the twins are “cousins”. It also helped my family financially. In the time that I was pregnant, I was able to buy a house. I’m still very close with them and we talk often. I also still get to see the twins.
What inspired you to become a surrogate?
I was inspired to become a surrogate in high school after seeing a documentary. It was an innate calling that made me think that one day I could do that for someone else. That calling only became stronger after my husband and I went through several years of Severe Male Factor Infertility. Miraculously we became pregnant after doctors told us we only had a 1% chance of ever conceiving on our own. To save another family from waiting longer than they needed to, I decided to take a leap and become a surrogate. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Can you share some of the benefits of your experience as a surrogate?
Some benefits of becoming a surrogate include: -Giving the priceless gift of a child that is biologically related to either one or both parents. Adoption, although a beautiful option, isn’t for everyone. This allows the parents to be active in the pregnancy and birth of the child they’ve longed for that belongs to them -Being a part of a miracle! I am a Black woman and I gave birth to Japanese twins! Nothing is more amazing than realizing you are not only taking part in an amazing scientific advancement, but you’re also living a miracle that most will never get to experience. -Financial compensation for your own family. Most people tell me that the financial compensation isn’t worth what we Surrogate’s put our bodies through, but the reality is we don’t do it for the money! The love gift from the family for their thanks for your sacrifice, pain, and suffering is a great way to bless your own family too. -If you’re like me and love pregnancy but never saw yourself having several children, it’s a great way to relive the beauty that is pregnancy without having more children of your own. I LOVE everything about pregnancy and I am young, healthy, and able! Why not use my body to help someone else’s dream come true?
-Lastly, being a witness! As a spiritual person, people see the love of God in your sacrifice. It gives people hope for humanity and the feeling that we can all do more to help each other. We can’t all be surrogates, but I’ve had several people tell me it makes them re-evaluate what they are doing in their lives to help others. The world is always a better place when we give thanks for what we have and pay it forward to help someone else.
What inspired you to become a surrogate? Surrogacy was never something I set out to do. After the birth of my son, I met a past surrogate and we got to chatting about her experience when I heard my husband say... “If ANYONE could be a surrogate, it’s you” & that is when the seed was planted! The more I researched it, the more I fell in love with the idea of a journey that could make such an impact on someone- heck, maybe even everyone - in such a monumentally loving way. Can you share some of the benefits of your experience as a surrogate?
The first question I get asked by most is... “How can you give up a baby that you carried?” and I’m just going to say, that is a loaded question! My heart was more than happy, and even a bit ecstatic, to see that baby placed in the arms of the intended parents. A major part of the last year of my life was swaddled and snuggled up to the parents that so desperately yearned for that sweet bundle and I helped a dream come true. Second question I get... “Do you make a lot of money as a surrogate?” Short answer, “No”. Long answer, although I am compensated for my role as a surrogate and I was pregnant for roughly 7300 hours and my compensation was about 33% of what my state sets minimum wage workers at on the hour... So to sum up my long answer, it isn’t for the money! My first surrogacy journey was such a blessing that when asked to do a sibling journey, I couldn’t say no. So here I am again pushing through the obstacles with the same goal in mind... womb empty, heart full!
What inspired you to become a surrogate?
So I’m not pregnant yet, but Benefits of being a surrogate so far is mainly the joy of educating people about it. What I’ve noticed is people have no idea about the process and immediately think it’s a cold process. They think I’m just getting pregnant and then will never see the baby again. But really it’s a really warm and Caring process that’s been very wonderful and hands on by the Agency and my intended family. So I love that I get to explain all the steps and make it less of a taboo thing.
What inspired you to become a surrogate?
I was inspired to be a surro because I saw the amount of couples struggling to conceive on their own so I wanted to help make their family dreams a reality. Some people serve in the volunteer, some people serve in the military, I use my uterus to help others.
Can you share some of the benefits of your experience as a surrogate?
The benefits have been seeing the reactions to ultrasounds, feeling kicks when the IPs are with me or just seeing their faces when the baby is born makes everything worth it. Being able to make a couples dream come true of being parents is the greatest experience and gift I can ever experience!
What inspired you to become a surrogate?
What inspired me at first was my sister actually wanting a baby! She was talking about either having an adoption or a surrogate but later on decided it wasn’t the right time for it. I thought, well I wonder how it would be to have a baby who’s not your own. What the process is like and how the whole experience would feel. So my curiosity wouldn’t let me sleep, it was about 3am, I was browsing online and signed myself up through extraordinary conceptions because why not?
Can you share some of the benefits of your experience as a surrogate? The answer to the second question: one huge benefit is of course being able to have a baby for a couple! Meeting genuinely nice people and having them tell you they would love for you to still be a part of the child’s life as they grow! Another benefit would be learning more about myself, mentally, emotionally, and physically!
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