Postpartum Depression
- This Or That Mom
- Apr 14, 2020
- 12 min read
Currently having a newborn right now, the next topic that I wanted to bring to light and learn more about myself is postpartum depression (PPD). I never experienced postpartum depression, but with my first child I definitely had those “baby blues” as they call them, and I can completely understand how easily those sad feelings can take a harsh turn into postpartum depression. I also have many friends and family members who have experienced PPD, so I’m aware how common it is. In fact, according to the Cleveland Clinic, between 50-75% of women experience the “Baby Blues” after birth, and 15% of these women end up with postpartum depression, though I’m sure that number is higher as many women go undiagnosed.
Having a new baby is an extremely demanding job and considering all the changes in hormones, physical changes in appearance, pain from recovery, fatigue from lack of sleep, as well as the psychological adjustments with figuring out the new dynamics at home with a baby, it's no wonder PPD is as common as it is. And unfortunately the impact of social media now can cause us to all too frequently compare all aspects of motherhood to others' highlight reels. Although social media can be brutal and leave us feeling unsatisfactory in that sense, it can also be a huge saving grace. Creating this blog has been so amazing because I’ve found there is a whole world of moms out there from all over the world voicing their struggles to help other moms know they aren’t alone. Some of these incredible mom’s were kind enough to take the time to respond to a couple questions about their experiences with PPD including when they realized they had PPD, how they found support, and provided advice which you can read below.
At what point did you realize you had postpartum depression and how did you find support?
I knew something was off for months. And I was getting my masters in mental health and addiction. I wasn’t a stranger to the symptoms. But there was something shameful about admitting it to someone else. I finally confided to my partner and asked him to talk to my doctor with my about it, and we went from there and took measures to avoid it after my second.
What advice do you have for other mothers with PPD, or first time expecting mothers?
My advice to mamas is see a specialist/psych/therapist- don’t settle for just meds from your OB- mental health is not their specialization.
And you’re not alone!! Talk to someone. Whether that be blogging, a mom group, therapy or a Facebook status SOMEONE will relate to you, it’s more common than anyone thinks
At what point did you realize you had postpartum depression and how did you find support?
I realized I had postpartum around 2 weeks after delivery. I was severely anxious, I felt like I wasn’t connecting with my babies like I should. I guess I had expected this magical instant bond, and I felt like a failure. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. Felt like they were not safe at all outside of my body. I cried so much. I was in so much pain, mental, physical, and emotional.I had a rough pregnancy, I was in the hospital several times due to being so sick, and ended up delivering my twins early at 36 weeks due to preeclampsia. My doctor had already felt that I was a little depressed before they were born as well. At my two week check up, my doctor and I talked. He prescribed me medication which did help in time. And he also encouraged me to talk to about it, to let it out, and not to sit on my feelings. It helps greatly!
What advice do you have for other mothers with PPD, or first time expecting mothers?
Honestly for mother’s with PPD, mothers who think they may have it, and soon to be mothers, talk with someone. Find a doctor who you trust in. Mine felt like he was always in my corner. He let me know that what I was feeling was normal and that I should not feel guilty. We create new lives, and in the process it sometimes feels like we lose a little bit of ourselves. I encourage you to speak out, I promise there’s someone out there that also feels like they are alone, and alone is the scariest place to be.
At what point did you realize you had postpartum depression and how did you find support?
I realized I had something going on when I was around 32 weeks pregnant with my second baby. I was running around after my toddler, my husband was working a lot and I was alone a lot of the time. The moment I knew something was really wrong was when I became so ENRAGED at my dog who was constantly barking in our yard that I was banging on our glass door while holding my oldest son and the glass broke. I scared my son so much he started to cry. Worst part was my husband was working and I had to summon up the courage to call him and tell him what I did. I was so deeply ashamed and embarrassed because I KNEW this wasn’t who I was. On top of the rage, I also began to feel disconnected to the baby who I was growing. I even said to my husband that I didn’t even want him and that I wanted to leave him at the hospital again, something I would NEVER say. Fast forward to two weeks postpartum, my feelings deepened and I began to have suicidal thoughts, deep depression and severe anxiety. I made an appt to see my OB where he diagnosed me with postpartum depression and anxiety. I started on Zoloft. Currently in therapy and on medication.
What advice do you have for other mothers with PPD, or first time expecting mothers?
My advice would be, if you’re acting or feeling out of character please talk to your spouse or someone you trust. Postpartum depression can come on really quickly and unfortunately a lot of women are afraid to seek help for fear of having their babies taken from them. I felt that and was so reluctant to see my OB but I knew something was off. Please don’t let it manifest as each day passes because it will get worse, it won’t get better on its own.
At what point did you realize you had postpartum depression and how did you find support?
I didn’t realize there was such a thing as postpartum depression until my 6 week OB appointment. Up until that point I struggled with the idea that what I was going through was more than just your average ‘baby blues’. So many people in my life spoke about blues but never anything about an actual mental health diagnosis. But I took one of those questionnaires required by my OB’s office and knew immediately that what I was going through was bigger than anything I would have imagined.
Finding support was extremely difficult. My OB’s office gave me one of those “it’ll get better” speeches and sent me on my way. I found a therapist who diagnosed me with PTSD, which I later realized was for her own research grant benefits. No one in my family knew what I was going through or could really say much to help me understand that I wasn’t alone. After searching and searching for outside resources, I finally decided to figure it out on my own through my own knowledge in social work and any research I could find on the internet. It was in that search that I found other women who were struggling as I was. I connected with as many as I could and held beautiful conversations of #metoo moments, which definitely helped.
What advice do you have for other mothers with PPD, or first time expecting mothers?
Never downplay what you are going through. When someone asks you how you are doing, be honest. Tell them exactly what you want to say even if it means erasing your text a million times before you find the write words to send.
At what point did you realize you had postpartum depression and how did you find support?
This is tricky. I knew something was off about the way I was feeling since my first born died. I kept telling myself it’s just the grieving process. Then when I had my daughter a year later, I would tell myself “I’m fine, it’s fine, everything is fine. just be grateful you have a living, breathing baby.” I was in denial about having ppd with both of my babies.
I was about 7 months postpartum with my son this past year and I was experiencing symptoms. I thought my thyroid was the problem. I was experiencing hair loss, not just postpartum hair loss...it was so much worse. My emotions were all over the place. I would cry over the smallest thing, even a tv show I’ve seen a million times. I would struggle to leave the house, even to get groceries. I truly thought the way I was feeling was how I was supposed to feel. So I went to a doctor to have my thyroid tested and she casually gave me a prescription for lexapro and told me to come back in a few weeks to see if that helps. 3 weeks later I felt so different. I didn’t feel hopeless, teary, sad, anxious. I still get little episodes of these emotions but not near as bad! She knew I needed help and I truly can’t thank her enough for seeing what I couldn’t see.
What advice do you have for other mothers with PPD, or first time expecting mothers?
Don’t be afraid of help. Don’t be afraid of medication, or therapy. You aren’t a bad mom, it doesn’t make you weak. I’m a better mother when I’m on medication. It’s scary and I was ashamed, but it’s helped me so much. You could have the “perfect” life, birth, support system, and nothing is wrong but you could still have ppd. It doesn’t matter what your story is, it can affect any mother. Never be afraid to ask for help! you will never be a burden, your story matters, your life matters!
At what point did you realize you had postpartum depression and how did you find support?
My first baby was about 3.5 months old when I realized that I was struggling with PPD and post partum anxiety. I knew how serious this could be and I wanted to make sure I got the support and help I needed. My husband was very supporting and encouraged me to go see my doctor. I went to my doctor and luckily he was very supportive and understanding. I started some medication then and it has seriously helped so much. I am now almost 12 months PP and I still have hard days, but I am such a better mother now because I got the help I needed.
What advice do you have for other mothers with PPD, or first time expecting mothers?
You are not alone. You are not a bad mother. It is okay to cry and to feel sad. Your feelings and emotions are valid. Advocate for yourself to make sure you get the help you need. For first time mothers: it will be okay, but it is going to be hard. Also, no matter how your birth story tuns out, you are a wonderful strong woman. You do not have to have a natural birth to be a strong woman. Also, breastfeeding is a very personal choice between you and your partner/spouse. Do not feel pressured or discouraged. It doesn't work for everyone, and it is okay to feed your baby formula. your job is to feed them and take care of them, however you are able to (:
At what point did you realize you had postpartum depression and how did you find support?
A few months into postpartum with my second child I knew things just weren't right. I wasn't bouncing back like I did with my first. I've always struggled with depression, so I was very prepared for PPD with my first kid. I didnt have any, not even a little bit and it was amazing! So with my second kid, I was completely overwhelmed with PPD and it took me by surprise. I knew it was bad one day in the shower when I was contemplating cutting. this was about 4 months after my baby was born. I went to my husband that day and completely broke down. We had had a few discussions prior to this where I would say things like "I hate this baby stage" or "I really hate my life" but nothing like the breakdown and real/raw conversation we had after I thought about cutting. That was a Saturday. On Sunday, I had the same type of breakdown in my women's group. They referred me to someone in our church. On Monday, I scheduled my first of 8 therapy sessions. And later that same week I met with a PPD survivor from my church for coffee and her friendship and support helped me the most through everything. To just have someone say "Me Too" and "I get it" and see how far she had come was amazing!
I've talked about my PPD on social media frequently, but this is probably the most transparent post I've done: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10100623312209352&set=pb.22102501.-2207520000..&type=3&theater
What advice do you have for other mothers with PPD, or first time expecting mothers?
I couldn't have made it out of PPD without my faith and tons of support. My husband and church group surrounded me in so much love, understanding and prayers. Find support, even if its through something online like Instagram. There are so many people who have been through it and are willing to help you through it as well. Don't try to beat PPD on your own! Stay educated, know the signs, and dont lie to yourself or others on how you are actually doing. It is ok to ask for help.
At what point did you realize you had postpartum depression and how did you find support?
My first baby was extremely high needs and never slept either. My husband didn’t really know how to help me and I often felt guilty asking for help. Looking back, it’s easy to see that ANYONE would have been depressed in my situation, given that I went months without any basic self care or a break to speak of.
With my second baby, PPD hit even harder. I had a traumatic birth experience due to midwife negligence. My baby was emergency transferred to NICU from the birth center hours after he was born, I had barely even had a chance to hold him.
For me, PPD comes in waves. Some days, it will be fine. Some days are very very dark. Most of my PPD stems from an inability to care for my own basic needs. I stay at home with the kids, we can’t afford a nanny, and my husband works constantly. My toddler is autistic and nonverbal so an average day for me entails dealing with exasperating and difficult behavioral issues and meltdowns from him.
I only have PPD when I haven’t had adequate self care. Which is pretty much constantly. WHEN I actually get the chance to get away from the kids and get out of the house to do something enjoyable, my PPD evaporates quickly.
I have tried medications recommended by my doctor. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, and currently have a prescription for Buspirone on an as needed basis. Absolutely hated Zoloft and Celexa, and Buspirone doesn’t do much for me either. I would say medication has been ineffective for me personally for PPD.
What advice do you have for other mothers with PPD, or first time expecting mothers?
I would say that in hindsight, I wish I would have learned to advocate and speak up for my needs. To not feel guilty for having needs or for needing to ask for help. I would have been more assertive with my husband, and communicated what I needed so that he could help me more effectively. Moms need BREAKS. We need to leave the house without our kids and do something that rejuvenates us, and we need this on a regular reliable basis. Not once every couple of months.
Here’s something that has been helping my husband and I. Every week, I sit down and schedule an evening for him and an evening for me. On his night, he goes to the gym or goes into his game room and spends a couple hours alone gaming. I don’t bother him and he gets to do whatever he wants. On my night, I leave the house and go somewhere for several hours to do whatever I want. It sounds so basic but it takes planning and intention to do this every week for each other. It makes a difference though! Takeaway: Make time for self care! It can make or break you in parenting.
At what point did you realize you had postpartum depression and how did you find support?
I realized that I had PPD when I woke up every day feeling sad, gloomy, irritable and crying over everything (yes, including spilled milk) and most importantly, I didn’t feel that I could connect to my baby in the way I really wanted to. It was like the feeling was bigger than I was. I turned to my circle of family first, and then reached out to therapists I knew to ask for support and an ear to listen. I felt that validation was key to my getting out of my depression. Feeling like it was OK to feel how I felt was key, and that nothing was wrong with me, but rather I am human.
What advice do you have for other mothers with PPD, or first time expecting mothers?
The advice I would give to other mothers with PPD or first time expecting moms is to never keep thoughts and feelings in your heart and mind. Find a safe space, whether it is your partner, parent, friend or a mental health professional that you feel safe sharing your thoughts with. Professionally, and personally, I would say that the thoughts become dangerous when they are not shared with anyone and just become exacerbated in your mind. That’s a key part of postpartum anxiety — you have scary weird sad thoughts, and then when they don’t have anywhere to go they fester and spiral in the mind making you even more anxious. That’s where the isolation really lies, and also the biggest need for support. With that being said, my advice is make time to reach out and ask for support and help. Whether you have people come visit you, Facetime/Skype, talk to friends, call a parent or a sibling and just be brutally honest about how you’re feeling. If you can, I also think that therapy is a great option for support as its unbiased and not going to be tainted with personal opinion and judgement. It’s also a safe space to vent about family, because that can become a piece of it too!
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