Single Moms
- This Or That Mom
- Apr 25, 2019
- 20 min read
I've been wanting to write and share on this topic for quite some time now, and it is actually one of the topics that inspired me to start my blog.
I don’t think a household that consists of a mother and father is the optimal family dynamic as society often leads us to believe. I think children need at least one person to be there for them to show them love and guidance. Different parenting dynamics shape our children to make our world diverse and beautiful.
My purpose for beginning this blog is to highlight the varying parenting topics to provide insight to others. All single parents (whether the child’s other parent is involved in their life or not) deserve recognition. This week I reached out to single mother’s specifically (single fathers will be another week) to gain some insight on this topic.
These mothers below were kind enough to open up and share their experiences, the good and the bad, of being a single mother. Their responses are nothing short of amazing.
There aren’t many things in this world that can compare to the strength of a single parent, and strong-minded parents raise strong-minded children. 💕
I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did!
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom? I actually love being a single mum at the moment although I do have my moments I want to pull my hair out haha, but I would have to say the most difficult thing is being able to balance everything like making sure Baby has everything she needs while having little moments to myself so I can be the best version of me for her. When your a single mum you don’t really have anyone to just hold your baby for 2 minutes while you eat or go to the bathroom haha. But it’s all worth it. What do you like about being a single mom? I love that she’s all mine hehe I love spending time with my daughter and I guess it’s easier to parent the way I want to parent. What advice can you give for other single moms? Take moments for yourself! Always ask and or accept help from trusted people if it’s available even if it’s for 20 minutes so you can have a bath or do a little work out. Something that allows you to spend quality time with yourself! It can get a bit hectic so being the best version of yourself takes balance and I believe it’s very beneficial for your baby. Also, no matter what, if you love your baby and are taking care of her you are doing an amazing job!!
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom? The difficult aspect of being a single parent and mom, is that loss I feel sometimes not being able to share my daughter's life with all those who should be present. The sole financial responsibility is sometimes also overwhelming.
What do you like about being a single mom? I love the fact that I can raise my child the way I want, I don't have to argue or disagree with anyone about a difference in how my daughter is raised. Plus all the extra loves and cuddles I get, is double the normal amount!
What advice can you give for other single moms?
My advice is just breathe. Life might not work out how you wanted it to, but you were given this life because you are strong enough to live it. There are always people worse off than us. Just enjoy every second.. No matter how tired you are. Keep focusing on your baby, don't let yourself be bullied and accept help! A few supportive friends and family is a blessing. And also, don't forget yourself! Take that shower, listen to some music and drink that cup of coffee before it's cold.
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
The constant pressure of feeling like you have to be omnipresent for everyone who needs you and everything that requires your attention! The thought alone overwhelms me. What do you like about being a single mom? I’d have to say my favorite thing about being a single mom is the incredible bond that naturally develops. Especially between a mother and a son. My boys are both little protectors when it comes to their mama, and I think when they see me doing it all, they’re compelled to throw their arms around me and say “thank you” or “I love you”. End of the night “pillow talks” happen more often now. What advice can you give for other single moms? Just keep going. You’re doing better than you feel like you’re doing. And remember to never let your emotions lead you when it comes to parenting! Guilt is the emotion that keeps on giving. It’s important not to spoil a child out of guilt because that tends to raise a victim-minded mentality or an entitled child. Always keep things into perspective. Just what I’ve learned through raising my brother and sister, and now my two.
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom? For me the most difficult aspect of single motherhood is the financial strain, going from two incomes to one has taken a lot adjusting. We lost our home and had to live in my parents garage for 6 months before finding a much smaller home, we also had to give up extra curricular activities and sports and had an extreme crash lesson in how to budget. I can’t afford to pay for daycare to work full time and have no one around to help babysit so I started a home business for some extra cash but we still go without a lot now.
The lack of emotional support also takes its toll on my mental health sometimes, my ex-partner passed away so I can’t share our babies milestones with anyone and I don’t have that someone to experience the ups and downs of parenthood with. Not having anyone else around to talk to or confide in can get extremely lonely at times. What do you like about being a single mom? I love that we work to our own routine! I am not rushing around trying to get dinner ready by a certain time or worrying about what the house looks like if I didn’t get everything done that day. When you are in a partnership there is always someone else to consider and compromises have to be made with everything, in particular making decisions regarding how to raise the kids and now I am fully responsible for all of our families decisions. It has been a lot less stressful and no arguments at all being the sole decision maker.
I have also become much closer to my children since becoming a sole parent, they come to me about everything and confide in me. They all talk openly about what is happening with them whereas before they were much more guarded. We have found a really harmonious flow between having a mother daughter relationship and a friendship. I also love that since becoming a sole parent family my girls willingly took on extra responsibilities so I wasn’t doing it all on my own, we have more time to just hang out together which we do often and I get free time to self care and look after me as well. My eldest daughter even learnt how to cook and loves it so she makes dinner each night so that I can get some work done, my tweens both do chores around the house each day and take pride in their work. We really work better as a family unit now and really appreciate each other and all that we do for each other.
What advice can you give for other single moms? Don’t be afraid to ask for help especially from your kids if they are old enough, we are not superhuman and there is no shame in admitting that we can’t do it all. I used to be ashamed to ask for help but now I understand the old saying ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup!’ Self care when you can! I have a toddler who won’t leave my side so some days it feels as though I do not get 5 minutes to myself and I know a lot of mums know this feeling especially if they have very young kids but I set aside 20 minutes after she is in bed twice a week. I have a hot shower alone to wash my hair and shave my legs, it’s not much but I really do feel refreshed and rejuvenated afterwards. Lastly I’d say sit down and do up a budget and really stick to it, my biggest stress is not having the money to pay the bills so I got help doing a budget and I am slowly getting in front with my household bills. It has taken a lot of pressure off.
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
The most difficult things are: celebrating alone and having the whole world expect you to do all the work and also take all the blame. It's incredible how much single moms are hated for doing something you are supposed to need a man to do. And God help you if you do it well. Such a strange irony - a man abandons you with a child and the world hates you for raising them on your own. Single moms make up 30-50% of the parenting population and millions of married women are also single parents, so it does not make sense to vilify so many.
What do you like about being a single mom?
The best part about being a single parent is how much less work it is overall. There is no compromise, and you do not have to also nurture a marriage too which is a lot of work as well. As far as the parenting part, it's much easier to negotiate one adults needs and ideas.
What advice can you give for other single moms?
My advice for all expecting single moms or new single moms is the same: it's a lie - everything they told you is a lie. Having a kid on your own will make you more financially stable, more empowered, sexier, more confident and more desirable. All of the challenges you face will get easier because you will be positively motivated to the extreme every day. Being a single parent is like never leaving a Tony Robbins seminar. You live that high vibration, and you get to enjoy it without compromise.
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What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
Most difficult thing about being a single mom is the combination of 36 hours I have to work to pay the bills and give my son Vano everything he needs. But the times I am sick, are the hardest. When you actually want to lay in your bed all day, but you can’t because you have to care for your son.
What do you like about being a single mom? What I like the most about being a single mom is I have learned how to be independent and that I am stronger than I thought I would be. I’m not ashamed to do self care, to take some time for myself so I can be a better mother. Advice to single moms?
Don’t forget to take care of yourself! When you have a breakdown everything will fall! I always take the plane advice as example.... when the masks are falling down, you have to put your own first. Then your own children. You can’t help others if you can’t help yourself. So take a day for yourself. Go on a girlstrip, or dinner or spa or anything that helps you to relax.
My kids’ dad is still very involved in their life. I know I don’t have it as hard as those who do it alone but every type of mom has her struggles.
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom? 1. Dating. Dating as a single mom is hands down the scariest part. Finding time, but not giving up the time I have my kids. Trusting someone around my kids is a huge struggle for me. Especially having a young daughter. Knowing the balance between not wanting to introduce my kids too soon and wanting to be sure they will all get along before I’m too invested. The worst part of dating is break ups when kids are involved. You don’t just have the loss of that relationship between two people. Now your kids have that loss too and potentially the other person’s kids as well. It can hurt so many people and watching it make your kids sad will hurt more than any sadness it brings you.
What do you like about being a single mom?
2. I feel like a better example to them now than I ever have. I feel like their dad and I were not the best examples of what marriage should be like but we are great examples of working together to do what’s best for our children. We have to be the examples we can be. I can show them now that mom has a career and works hard to support them and still is there for their important moments. I can show them how to walk away from a toxic relationship cause it’s the strong thing to do and the right thing. That you don’t have to stay in a relationship that is not right because society says it is better. I can show them how to set aside differences to be a team with their dad and raise them right. One of my breaking moments before divorce was thinking about the example I was setting for them. How would I feel if my kids were in relationships like this one? I was not a good example. Now I know I am and I know we have put a positive spin on our divorce for them and I hope it will help them in the future.
What advice can you give for other single moms? 3. My advice for other single moms is screw what others think! I know this is so hard to do! Everyone is constantly judging moms so harshly, but honestly you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t so just do what feels right to you! You will never make everyone happy. Worry about what works for your kids and yourself. Every child is different and every situation is different, no one has the answers for every situation. Just do what you can and it’s ok to not be ok sometimes! Take a break and try again! Life is hard enough without everyone’s judgement and you don’t have time for that anyways! Make the choice to be happy and know you are giving it your all and remove toxic people from your life that like to bring you down. We are all just trying to get through this alive! Good luck momma, you’ve got this!
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
The difficult part of being a single mom is not being able to share everything with someone else. The good times and the difficult. As a mom it’s rough to not have a male influence in my son’s life.
What do you like about being a single mom? What I love about being a single mom is the mom part. I’m his number one. I always knew I wanted to be a mom but I never knew the love was going to be this amazing!
What advice can you give for other single moms? My advice for other single moms is like on a plane, put the mask on yourself before the child. Take care of yourself! Exercise! Dress pretty! Get your nails done! And there you have it!
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
1. The most difficult aspects of being a parent, especially a single one, is that you just don’t know if you are doing the right thing. I feel like single parenthood isn’t talked about that much. When kids ask you about divorce, dating and things like that, you never know what to say? Or what the “right” thing to say is. For me, I think honest, simple answers are always best. What do you like about being a single mom? I love being a single mom. Of course it is hard doing everything on your own, but the best thing is that your time is all yours. You don’t have to share or compromise. There is no one you have to ask permission or collaborate with. I get to do whatever I want, when I want with my girls. What advice can you give for other single moms? My advice is to do your best and your best is good enough. Period. ❤️
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
The most difficult aspects of being a single mom is prioritizing and understanding that prioritizing yourself isn’t always selfish. Mental health is HUGE in making sure you’re the best example for your kids. So taking the time to prioritize what you love and self care is essential in being a good parent. Also, asking for help doesn’t make you weak. Understanding that you aren’t capable of doing it all is such an empowering feeling. Parenting isn’t suppose to be done by one person. So asking for help is normal.
What advice can you give for other single moms? Advice I would give to other single moms: find your friend group and rely on them. Again, parenting isn’t suppose to be something done by one person. They say it takes a village. So find your village and rely on them!
What do you like about being a single mom? Terrible to say it, but I don’t like being a single mom. Lol. I embrace it because I don’t have any other choice. One day I might love it and truly embrace it.
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
The most difficult aspects of being a single mom is probably the weight of always trying to make sure everything gets done. When it’s just you, it can get very overwhelming, because you are constantly worried about meeting your children’s needs, yet also trying to just live life. It’s hard some days, but so worth it. What do you like about being a single mom? Even though being a single mom is hard at times, it’s actually very rewarding. I like all the extra time I get with my daughter, and the one on one time. What advice can you give for other single moms? The best advice I could give to other single mamas is.. just take it one day at a time. Don’t try to do everything all at once. Be grateful for your little ones, and the rest will fall into place. Also, don’t forget to take care of yourself.
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
I think the most difficult aspect of being a single mom is having all responsibilities fall on me. I have to provide for my son and I, I have to make sure he is healthy, loved, and happy. I have to make sure we have a home, food, and everything else we need. I don’t have someone to share that with. I also don’t get much me time. I don’t have a partner to switch off with for night feedings, or to take turns making dinner or doing the dishes. It’s all me. Although I’m sure many moms can relate to this. What do you like about being a single mom? That being said though I love that I don’t have to share my son. I get to say what we do everyday, what we eat, when we cuddle. I also don’t have to share my bed with more than just my son, who seems to somehow already take up so much space and he’s not even a year yet lol!
What advice can you give for other single moms? Some advice for other single moms: don’t forget to take time for yourself. Call on people and ask them to take your little one for an hour or more and take a hot bath, read a book, go for a walk. Your little one needs the best version of you and that can only be done if you’re taking care of yourself also. It’s important to remember too that your family is not any less than any other family. Your little one loves you and as long as you’re lovin on them lots they don’t need much more. Reach out to people in your community though, create more connections for you and your little one. Family isn’t just about who you’re related to. It’s nice to have people to lean on during the good and bad times. Having more people around you is so beneficial to you and your little one. Don’t be afraid to say when you’re struggling and need help. No one will shame you for that, and if they do they can move on 😊 you’re doing an amazing job mamas. Love yourself so you can love your little ones too ♥️
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
1. One of my greatest struggles with being a single mother is the internal guilt I feel. I constantly battle this nagging little voice that tells me I should’ve given them a “normal” life or a “traditional” life with two parents. I never want either of my girls to feel like their family situation makes them any less worthy than children with an “ideal” family set up.
What do you like about being a single mom? 2. The best part of being a single mother, for me, is how selfish I get to be with their upbringing. I tell my girls constantly how smart, beautiful, kind, and amazing they are every single day and there is no one in their home who can contradict that or make them second guess it. I get the opportunity to devote all my love to them and shower them with all of my attention.
What advice can you give for other single moms? 3. My advice to single mothers is this: just keep going. There are days when I literally weep after the girls have gone to bed because I am so mentally exhausted. There are days when I am so ashamed to not only have two children out of wedlock But also have children who are noticeably of different races. BUT they are MINE, ALL MINE. And they are so incredible. We, as single mothers, have been given the opportunity to raise amazing little humans so even on the hard days, just don’t give up. Hold them a little tighter. Hold them a little longer. And just breathe. It will all be worth it in the end ♥️
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
1. The most difficult aspect of being a single mom is inability to "tune out" and pass the reigns to someone else. I have to be ON at all times, sick, tired, hungry... There is no one that could take over if I'm not 100%.
What do you like about being a single mom? 2. I love that I am 100% in control. I am the sole decision maker in my daughter's life. This helps avoid arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings, differences of opinion and negotiation. Whether I make a right or wrong decision, I am 100% to blame or to praise.
What advice can you give for other single moms?
3. My advice to all single mothers would be to think outside the box when it comes to everything in life. Every situation is unique, so should be the approach and the solution. Look for creative ways to make your life easier, to get more time on your hands, to make extra income (government benefits are great too!). And lastly, don't stress about things that aren't important, your resources are limited as is, allocate them to things that matter - your family, your mental and physical health, And your growth ;)
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom? The most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially a mom, is learning how to do things on your own. Especially when it comes to your only child. I went into developing and raising this beautiful life with the intention of having a partner who can help. But that wasn't how things netted out. I had to learn how to shower when my daughter is awake (creatively), get adequate sleep, feed her and myself, go places with a huge stroller... There's a lot. It's hard to do a lot of things, but then I look into her eyes and I see her smile and it makes it all worth it. What do you like about being a single mom?
When it comes to being a single mom, I love the freedom of taking my daughter anywhere I want and not having to answer to anyone about it. We just went out to NJ to do a photo shoot and it was amazing. I love being able to make her smile and being able to set goals for myself and conquering them.
What advice can you give for other single moms? When it comes to giving advice to other single moms, I would say don't give up!! There are so many places and people that supply help it's amazing. I have family and friends that help out also, but all is not lost if you don't. It can be scary and lonely at times, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. An internal flame burns bright within single moms and the strength you get along the way is an impeccable rush. https://instagram.com/sheree_n_johnson?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=lduiqz89v4jt
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
The most difficult aspect is how 'single' it really is. All big decisions are made alone, all financial responsibilities fall on me and at the end of the day when the little one is asleep, it's just you. No other half to sit and do nothing with or discuss all of life's problems.
What do you like about being a single mom? My favourite part of being a single parent is the crazy bond we have through quality time together.
What advice can you give for other single moms? My advice to other single parents would be to take all the help your offered - 'it takes a village to raise a child' or give a single parent some time off to drink wine and sleep! Oh and set that self timer up and take photos of every memory.
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom? The most difficult aspects of being a single mother is that basically the majority of the work is in you. Whether the father is still in your child's/childrens's lives or not. You will always be 1st and last point of call! Another difficulty I think is finding time to focus on yourself. I always use to feel so guilty for wanting a bit of me time, but after a time when everything just got on top of me, I crashed and burned so hard, I almost felt like I couldn't even find the strength to continue being a human being, never mind a mother responsible for two whole other lives. What advice can you give for other single moms? So I've realized that it's important to give yourself a break. Even if it's an hour or two just focusing on you, doing something for YOU. Read a book, pamper yourself with a face mask, do something creative, cook your favourite meal, watch your favourite movie, take a nap! Also try not to compare yourself to the 'stepford housewife' ideals. A happy yet healthy household with unwashed dishes in the sink of an evening and unfolded laundry in the corner for a day, TRUMP sparkling silverware and dust free door tops any day! This brings me to another difficulty which is support. It can be so hard of you have very limited or no one around to help you. Whether it's help with childcare to give you a break or even just plain and simple company along the way. I've often found it hard to ask for help or reach out, not wanting to be a 'burden'. But you'd be surprised who's there to help you. Whether it's one solid friend or 10.
What do you like about being a single mom? Regardless of the difficulties, I love being a single mother! I guess one of the reasons being, I can pretty much do things my way. Sometimes it can be tricky when two parents have differing opinions on how to raise children or handle situations. This way I don’t have to faff about with the day to day decisions. But anything life changing, I'll always keep their father in the know. I also love watching my two grow into their own people, while still using some of the skills and knowledge that I know I've imparted on them. So rewarding!
What are the most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially as a mom?
The most difficult aspects of being a single parent, especially a mom. Finding the energy to get through a full day of getting ready for school, working a demanding job, shuttling to sport practices and events, making dinner, getting ready for bed, and trying to stay awake past 8pm. Encompassing the role of mom AND dad (when dad is not around), balancing between disciplinarian and nurturer. Taking care of the house. This is a big one. Dishes often sit in the sink for a few days because I would rather play outside with my kiddo or catch another hour of sleep or simply answer emails from work.
What do you like about being a single mom? What do I like about being a single mom? Hopefully, inspiring others. I'm proud of the fact I can do this on my own. Fiercely independent, I can change a tire and a lightbulb on my own and look hot doing so in a dress and heels! Financially, it can be a test but is also easier because all of my income is my own, and I can manage my money how I want. Finally, being a single mom has truly given me an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. While it has not been easy or pain-free by any means, the experience has forced me to take a journey inward and improve myself and my relationships so that I can ultimately be the best mom I can be and raise this boy to be a man who loves and respects women. What advice can you give for other single moms? You're not perfect, so don't try to be. Do the best you can to breathe through trials and tribulations. Sometimes, we take emotions and frustrations out on our kids, but if you have the self awareness to pause and take deep breaths, you can use these moments for valuable teaching. Other advice I can give, don't be a victim. Be strong and proud of where you are. There's nothing to be ashamed of, and don't throw yourself a pity party either. Finally, when it comes to dating, your kids come first. Period. My mom is very quiet, and when she does speak up, she always has a gem. In telling her my dating life and stories she said to me, that little boy (my son) who loves his mommy and would do anything for her and wants to spend time with her comes first. Everything else can wait. Soon, he will be off with friends, move out, and not have as much time for you. So again, everything else can wait. Finally, when it comes to the way men treat you, ask if you would want someone to treat your child in the same manner. That should help you get rid of the douchebags and plethora of emotionally unavailable men out there! Regardless of your situation, YOU are the prize. Your children see you that way and so should you.
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