Large Families
- This Or That Mom
- Mar 24, 2019
- 13 min read
Updated: Mar 26, 2019
I'm the third oldest of nine children, so this topic really hits home for me. When I was kid, it never dawned on me at all that coming from a large family was such a big deal to some people. I would always get surprised remarks, but it never actually seemed negative. It wasn't until I was older that my parents made me aware of the criticism they faced from family and friends.
Raising a large family is definitely not for everyone. I come from a large family, I loved every bit of it growing up and love it even more now that I'm older and have eight best friends that I can count on every day... but I also know that I won't be having nine kids myself because I'm not willing to take on that many children.
I think raising a large family requires certain characteristics from parents. It's not easy to raise one child, so to have many children to care for and put first and foremost in every aspect of life is a huge and constant responsibility. And that responsibility has to be viewed as a journey, not a burden.
My mom is very driven, and she is the most persistent person I will ever know. She kept us all in order, and my dad was always the comic relief. He would keep us laughing, and he had so much patience, guidance, love, and understanding for all of us. They were (and still are) an amazing team, and to me it only makes sense that they had so many children so they could set the ultimate example of hard work, love, empathy, and selflessness for all of us.
It did have its struggles too. We struggled a lot financially after my dad lost his farm and greenhouse business due to family matters. This forced my mom to go back to work full time as a nurse after being a SAHM for years. We never had the nicest clothes, vehicles, toys, etc. We all shared bedrooms (I shared with 3 of my sisters for years). It was a different kind of household than most in a lot of aspects, but I am extremely proud of growing up this way. It taught me where my priorities should be listed in life, and it's helped me pass that onto my children as well. I truly feel like I grew up in a one in a million household, and I couldn't have been more lucky.
Unfortunately, my mom said she could write a book on all the negative comments family members and friends said, especially when she was pregnant with her 9th baby at age 42. "What are you thinking?", "Why are you guys having another baby?", "Can you really handle this?", are just some of the comments her and my dad received. How sad is that? As I said before, raising a lot of children isn't for everyone, but it is right for some families. That should be respected.
I asked these moms with 5 or more children to share their experiences on why having a large family is right for them and if they have ever faced any criticism.
“Yeah there’s been times that we’ve been criticized for having a large family just with the mindset of that’s irresponsible. How can you have enough time for so many children or enough love in your heart for that many children? We had seasons that were very very hard financially and so it seemed unwise in some peoples eyes to have more children because we wouldn’t be able to provide for them, but we just felt such assuredness that the top priority was to follow the Lord and what he was stirring in our hearts, and if we walked in obedience to what God was asking us to do personally as a family we could also trust that he would provide, and he did. Every single time. Other times that we were criticized or questioned were when we had children after having a special needs child. My sixth son Judah had two brain hemorrhages when he was 5 weeks old. He needs a lot of care. We have had two children since him, and so there was definitely some concerns from others as to how that would affect his care or even concern for my own health and well-being. Could I handle more with the stress load that I was carrying?
I know that everyone is well meaning, but we go back to the beginning of, what is God saying for our family in this season because in that we can have peace. As far as my favorite aspects - you’re never alone, there’s never a dull moment, there’s always a party, I always say I gave birth to a party because we don’t even need to invite guests for a birthday party. We are a party. There is always a friend and even my kids have said that how there is always somebody to play with and it’s just precious to me. The older they get, I realize I don’t just have children here I have my very best friends. It’s just precious to do life together and to see the different dynamic and friendships throughout our home.”
“Yes we’ve been critiqued many times. Just going to the grocery store as a family we get comments from random people “are they all yours?” People stare and count them, “you know how that happens right!” Is another one we often get. Even on social media, people have said we are contributing to global warming and depleting the earth of its resources by having a large family, some call us irresponsible and even disgusting. My favorite thing about having a large family is the love! The love I experience as a mom for them and the love they show to me and my husband. But the most rewarding of all is the love they have for each other. Watching them grow together is one of my favorite things ever! I love that we are super close and we make a great team!”
“We have been told it’s time to stop having kids, and if we know what causes that yet. Some people think we have too many and can’t “control” them. Even though we have no intention of “controlling” our kids. We would rather teach them to make good choices and become, kind responsible human beings. My favorite parts of having a large family are that you are never alone (good or bad 😉) and watching the friendships my kids have with each other.”
“I haven’t ever been criticized for having a large family. There may be a few jokes every now and then about how many kids I have, but never anything hurtful or rude. I think family is the most important thing in this world. I’ve always believed being a Mother is part of my divine purpose. Having a generational outlook, it’s not only about raising my kids, but looking forward to their future families and hopefully lots of grand babies to love on! I feel very lucky to be a Mom.
There are many aspects about having a large family that I enjoy. I love that my kids always have a buddy, and a large support system. Each of my children have different personalities and talents which keeps life interesting! Parenting is harder than I thought it would be, but so rewarding and has given me numerous opportunities to grow as an individual. I believe having a large family also gives the kids more opportunities to help and serve one another. I hope this translates into a good work ethic and a sensitivity to the needs of others.”
“I can’t really say we have received criticism as much as people have either made jokes or expressed concern. The jokes used to bother me but I take them in stride now. A question like “Do you know what causes that?” gets met with “Oh yes, and we are pretty good at it!” If nothing else I get a chuckle out of it! Oh, there are so many favorite aspects I love about my large family. Honestly though, I have a feeling that no matter the size of their family, every mom could say the same thing. Each kiddo refines me and makes me a better person. I adore seeing every one of their personalities blossom. Waiting for a new baby to be born makes life full of anticipation to see who they will be. The joy of teens and toddlers at the same time is a new frontier that we are thoroughly enjoying. Teens are new kind of wonderful! We make big messes, have big fun and make light work with our many hands. Life is always an adventure!”
“We have in fact been criticized for having a large family on many different occasions. I believe the reason for the criticism is most often out of simple curiosity and a backhanded conversation starter. “Don’t you know what causes that”? “What were you thinking”? “You must not have any other hobbies”. Occasionally, people are down right nasty about our family size. I believe the reason is because not everyone is made to handle a large family and the chaos involved.” A few of my favorite aspects of having a large family are the way my kids can fill and “light up” an entire room. The way their contagious laughter fills our entire home from the basement to the top floor. The fact that my kids have built in best friends is awesome. It is so heartwarming to watch my oldest read a book to my youngest. We have had some amazing baseball, basketball, and kickball games with no neighborhood kids needed.”
“We have definitely had criticism for having such a large family. Even after our 5th child family were asking when me or my husband would be sterilized! It really hurt and I also felt very annoyed at the judgement. I’ve had comments before that we must just live off benefits and have loads of kids to claim money, but that’s not true at all as my husband works hard to provide.
We didn’t plan on having 7. The first 5 were planned but the twins were a huge shock as I was on birth control whilst waiting for my husband to get a vasectomy and fell pregnant immediately with the twins. I panicked throughout the pregnancy at the thought of life with 7 kids but now they’re here we wouldn’t change it for the world, and ironically I always wanted twin boys so I feel very blessed.
My favorite thing about having such a big family is there is NEVER a dull moment, sure it’s stressful, we have a crazy, manic, home but it’s also a home full of love and laughter. Seeing the kids play and laugh together (yes they do argue constantly too!) but I’m so proud of my big brood. We find it hilarious how much attention we get when we’re all out with the constant “wow are they all yours”, “how many do you have” and the most common “don’t you have a TV”.
We genuinely wouldn’t change a thing though despite the huge workload and busy daily routine with a family of 9, not to mention the cost of running such a large brood. But the joy and love they bring outweighs anything else.”
“Honestly if I have, I wouldn’t know! We know we are doing what our family has been called to and we love it so there really isn’t space for someone’s opinion. I’ve also learned that most the time someone’s opinion is more about them than it is about me.
Knowing that we have a whole team to cheer each other on, hold each other accountable and live this great life together! And hopefully I’ll get lots of grand babies!”
“Being a mother of 7 children, I am always the center of attention.The worst part for me is hearing,“Oh,wow! Don’t you have your hands full!” “So...are you done?” “Somebody’s been BUSY!” I guess having more than three children puts me in the “Do not politely greet.” category. I’m a mom, yes, but I am also so much more and I wish people would think about that first when greeting a mom with more than three children. Depending on the area, I’m sadly, still today, discriminated against for having biracial children. I wish people would stop judging the color of a person’s skin and just love thy brother! We’re equal! I love my tribe! There’s never a dull moment in the house and birthday parties are always a blast! Seriously, all you have to do is plan ahead, budget, and teach your kids to clean up and respect their space and all people. I’m motivated every day to be my very best because they deserve my all! I can’t imagine my life without my seven angels! I am a PROUD MOTHER OF SEVEN! Well, eight if husbands count! Lol.”
“There are never a shortage of comments when we’re out in public. “Well aren’t your hands full”. You’re brave for being out in public”. “Do you run a daycare?” “Are they all yours?” And my favorite (that came from a teenager and happened when I only had one and was pregnant with number 2) “Does she know how birth control works?” My children are all very close in age and because they’re still so young, we just naturally seem to attract a lot of attention.
In terms of my favorite aspects of large family living, I love that there is never a shortage of playmates, and that my kids are each other’s best friends. There are always enough players for a game, and enough cuddles to go around. Dinner time is always loud and full of conversation and there are so many different personalities and interests to learn from and invest in.”
“I’m not sure criticized is the word I’d use but I’ve certainly been asked whether I feel I’m neglecting them in any way. How could I possibly stretch myself to meet all of their needs emotionally, physically, spiritually? Our family planning seems to be open slather to complete strangers and our sanity constantly questioned. I guess over the years you just brush it off. My husband comes from a family of 8 and I had always worked in hospitality, function management of pubs and bars. High pressure environments, before the children so parenting on a daily basis and getting things done was ok. I found the transition to motherhood easy.
So most hurtful comments are that we’re insane. We can’t help it that it works for us. I know some women struggle with 2 children but I can’t help it that I’m enjoying 7. I do believe I’m a much better mother 7 than I would have been to two. You need to let go of control, let go of expectations to really enjoy being the trenches.
What I love? The chaos!! It’s fun. Always something going on. Watching the relationships between siblings develop as they age is very special. Some get along better than others. You know some are going to be mates forever. Then there’s the floaters who can easily get along with any. I must admit we are very lucky as they all really do get along well. Nature/Nurture I’m not really sure. Perhaps a bit of both.” https://instagram.com/snow07dwarfs?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=19n38i8fnosr6
“I think our family is shielded from a lot of criticism because we have adopted half of our children from foster care. So people are supportive. In the beginning when we were making the decision to take in a sibling group several people told us we were crazy. That we didn’t know what we were getting into etc. And of course they were right! We are crazy and had no clue what we were doing but it was the right decision for us. People more often ask if they are all ours, if my husband has a good job or if we know what causes pregnancy. People overall have been amazing and supportive but there are always stares, especially when we are out and about. What are your favorite aspects of having a large family? I love all of it! But some of the things that stick out as being extra special are the relationships that my kids have with each other. Big kids helping little kids, little kids having skills of Kids much older because of their exposure to big kids. I love that they are learning to work as a team, to ask for help and to value each other at every age. I love that there is always laughter, always someone to help and always someone on your side. Our home is such a place of love and light and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Criticism? Yes we get sometimes remarks like: are they all yours?, You now what causes kids, right?, Five kids?? You don't see that nowadays... Sometimes they start counting...
I love my 5 kids when we are playing and dancing it's always a lot of fun. I love to see the interaction and the bond between them all. I love the differences and their unique personalities. When we go out, travel, to the pool or a playground I can enjoy that so much with all of my kids around me. They learn so much of each other. And they always have someone when they need it.”
“Yes, I have been criticized for having 10 children, but it’s mainly by people who have no children telling me 10 is too many and that my children will miss out on the attention and love they should get as there are so many children in the family and there is no way possible I could give them all the love and attention needed! Another one is being criticized as many assume my children are to different fathers, but they are all to the same dad! All my children are loved equally and there are some days where some get more attention than others but all my children are loved equally and get as much attention as each other! My favorite things about having such a large family are: There is never a dull moment there is always something going on! I love the noise and chaos that goes with having a large family my kids get along so well there is always laughter. In our home! We are a tight knit family unit and I know my kids will always be there for each other in any situation! Don’t get me wrong, there a days I struggle with so many and we definitely are not perfect, but I wouldn’t change my life for the world I’m am so glad I had a large family!” https://instagram.com/my_tribe_of_10?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=v3s63o83ddxs
“Both my husband and I come from small families. I am an only child and my husband has one sibling. We live outside of Washington DC, in Northern VA where a family with 4 kids is considered really large. We are definitely a unicorn family here. The more kids we had brought on lots of inappropriate and rude comments from family members, friends and strangers. For the most part it doesn’t bother me much anymore. What I really dislike is when strangers come up to us and say, “You know how this happens, right?” or “Wow, you really have your hands full!”. We wanted a large family and our kids are not a burden. They are wanted and loved.
My favorite part of having a large family is the sibling relationships. An older kiddo reading to a younger sibling, playing soccer in our front yard because we have enough kids to field two teams, and overhearing night time giggles and conversations because our kids all have roommates. When everyone is getting along and playing together it is magical. We also have many days where that is not the case. Our big family life is made up of extremes, our best days are magical our hardest days are really hard. Those magical moments outweigh all the hard ones.”
“Have we been criticized? Yes, for having so many (#10 due in June) and for having them "too close" together (our oldest just turned nine years old so 10 kids under ten years).
My favorite aspects are seeing the many personalities and seeing them interact with each other. Not always easy, but I love the busyness and chaos of a large family and can't imagine doing anything else with my life.”
“I have 7 kids ages 1, 5, 5, 7, 7, 8, 11. No I have never been criticized for having a large family. People always stare at us and ask questions, but never in a negative way. People usually compliment me about the kids behavior or the fact that I am wearing jeans and my hair is brushed!
My favorite aspect of having a large family is watching all of the kids' different personalities grow and develop while they figure out their place in the family. They all have an individual bond with each of their siblings and it is so fascinating to watch. My second favorite is all of their helping hands! Last week the cashier at the grocery store accidentally dropped a tub of grape tomatoes and my kids had over 30 grape tomatoes picked up in less than 15 seconds!”
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