A Mother's Age
- This Or That Mom
- Feb 12, 2019
- 13 min read
There’s no single favorable age to start having children. Biologically, your 20s tend to be the "healthiest" years for pregnancy. However, if you start having children “too early” you may feel you missed out on your young adult life and didn’t get the life-learning experiences you should have before raising a child... and even if you didn’t feel that way some people will probably try to make it seem like you did. Maybe you didn’t get to chase the career you thought you were going to have, or had to struggle and work a lot harder to get there. Maybe you see people the same age as you living their life freely without ties, leaving you to feel like you missed out on opportunities like traveling the world or having an elaborate social life.
On the other hand, as a woman’s age climbs into the 30s, the term “biological clock” might start floating around. Your 30s and 40s might be an ideal time to have a child in terms of maturity and financial stability, but the pressure to have a child before health risks and decreased likelihood of even becoming pregnant can be discouraging. The term geriatric pregnancy may be used as early as 35 years old 😳.
Growing up, I always thought late 20s would be an ideal age to start. Early enough to still be in the “healthy” stage, but old enough to have had time to myself. My mom had 9 children with her first at 28 years old and her last at 42. I always admired her example.
When I became pregnant I was 22 years old, I was only out of college for a year. If you knew me when I graduated you would have been really surprised I settled down so quickly. Right after graduation, I was planning on traveling to Italy to stay with my aunt for a month (maybe longer), and then plotting to move away from the small town scene and trade it in for the big city life. It was such a thrill planning, and I was getting so excited looking into apartments, jobs, and grad schools. I just had my passport made... And then I met my husband.
At the time he was 25, and had a 6 year old son. I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, but I also wasn’t opposed to it. So we dated and got to know each other, and it didn’t take long for us to realize we wanted to have a future together. We decided to settle down and have a baby because it was the right decision for us, and once I became a mother I found my purpose.
I had family say it was disappointing to see me give up on my dreams of moving away, but I never felt disappointed at all. Sometimes I wonder where I'd be today if I never met my husband and had my son, but I know for me there is nothing in this world that will ever come close to the reward of being a wife and mother. I chose a different path because it felt right, and I’m sooo happy I made that decision.
There’s no magic answer to when the best age to have a child is, you just have to let the chips fall where they may. I asked these moms (listed from youngest to oldest) to share at what age they became a mother and discuss their experiences.
“I became a mother at 20 years old. I was a single mom, student and D1 athlete, so there were definitely setbacks. It was hard to find balance in the beginning when my son was young. But overtime I got the hang of it! There were definitely judgments because of my age and being a single mom and at first it was hard for me. I felt a little insecure about it but I regained my confidence and stopped worrying about what people thought of me and I felt a lot better. I still get people asking if my son is “mine” because I look “too young” to have a kid. The best aspects are maturing quickly, growing up fast and realizing what I truly wanted in life. I also felt like I was able to bond so much with my son because it was just me and him. I also brought him everywhere with me and he went to all of my college tennis matches and was in the stands rooting for me. I also think another benefit for my young age is being a young mom when my son gets older. He will be able to relate to me better and we will maintain that close bond that we have had since he was a baby.”
“I had my first child when I was 20 years old. I was in my third semester in college. At the time I was not married to my now husband and I was very bold about my faith in God. My peers use to call me “The Christian". So when everyone found out I was not married and pregnant .... well yeah the judgement came. At the time my then boyfriend (now husband) told me that his family and friends would say ‘why you get that girl pregnant now your stuck with her’ (At the time we had been dating for 4 years already) My friends said stuff behind my back that I found out about as well. Like 'She proclaims to be this virgin? A christian? Miss goody- two-shoes?' I even lost a lot of friends at that time. Fast forward to now I’m 30 years old with 5 children and married to that same guy I was with since the beginning. Has there been sets backs? Yes! I didn’t receive my associates degree until 2012 (five years after high school). I’m currently planning on going back to school to get my bachelors degree. Because I’ve spent my entire 20s having children I haven’t travel as much as I wanted to do but I still traveled. But having children hasn’t stop me in my career I’ve managed to become a store manager for the past three years and start businesses.“
“I was 21 years old. Yes, I did have setbacks and judgments. I was the only one working in my household at the time while helping my mom pay the bills and raise my little sister at the time so it made things extremely difficult. Plus, I was frowned upon by so many since I was a single mom out of wedlock. Becoming a mom at age 21 showed me what the meaning of true love really is and how to unconditional love my precious baby girl. It also showed me how to take care of myself so I can be the best version/mom that I could ever be so she has someone to look up to and respect. I honestly wouldn’t be who I am today without any of my children.“ https://instagram.com/self.love.and.success
I gave birth to my little girl 3 months after my 22nd birthday. At the time I found about my pregnancy I was as Youth Leader and Sunday School teacher and was heading to Netherlands to be an Au Pair. I would say that most of the judgement I faced came from within myself, considering the role I played in my home and community and also being a very proud girl that took pride in what people thought of me. That lasted for about 2 weeks before excitement really kicked in. Thereafter I couldn't really be bothered about who said what. My family was, and still is my greatest support structure and played a big role in how i handled criticism in being a 'common cliche' as they called me. Towards my third trimester I started getting nasty looks etc, when walking in public but by that time I was a proud looking watermelon. I had to trust God's plan for my life as he knew exactly what I needed and when. Becoming a mother in general is life's greatest blessing. My daughter introduced me to myself and every day I learn and grow not just as a mom but as a woman, one my daughter can someday look up to. Being a young mom only means that we met a little earlier, so I get to love her a little longer. Motherhood is messy, challenging, crazy, sleepless and giving, but unbelievably beautiful.
https://instagram.com/a_20something_mom?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=1r0qqe7fflxgg
“I became a mother at age 23. But technically 21, since I miscarried my first. I definitely got a lot of messages from people I didn’t know asking if it was an accident because I am “so young”. But it wasn’t and we love being “young” parents. Sometimes I feel like because I am young, older parents think I don’t know what I am doing but mothers’ intuition is real! Doesn’t matter if you’re 18, 23, or 30. And I don’t feel like I had any setbacks because of my age! I want to have all of them while I am younger. The more the merrier in my opinion! The best aspects of becoming a mother at my age would be that I feel like I have learned SO much and my heart has grown 100x in size. I am so happy I didn’t wait any longer to feel this!”
“I become a mother at 22. A lot of people think it’s too early, I don’t have experience in life, I’m a single parent or don’t have a job, which is absolutely wrong! I love being a young mom! I always dreamed about a close friendship to my kids and I think it’s easier to be bfs with your kids when you are still young.”
“At 23, I suffered a miscarriage early on during my first pregnancy. At age 24, I birthed my oldest son who is now 18! I don't know if I consider my loss as what first made me a mother, but it did solidify my desire for motherhood. No setbacks or judgments. I felt confident, strong, and protective! I think every pregnancy and birth lends wisdom. I have 5 children (last at 41) and suffered a loss at 23 weeks pregnant, maybe the best aspect early on is energy!” https://instagram.com/amanimurrayyoga?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=n12tkdittcqc
“We started planning our pregnancy when I was 23 because it needed to be planned at the hospital, meaning I needed to change some medications and see how my body handled it before we started trying. I got pregnant at 24 and delivered my son when I was 25. People seem to think that I look a bit younger than what I am so it led me to get lot of comments from strangers that I’m a teen mom and it’s a shame when kids have kids. After having him and being around public places I started having people ask me if he was my little brother and then ended up giving bunch of “advices” after finding out that he’s actually my baby. I don’t consider myself being very young for a mom because if it would’ve been in my hands I would’ve had him when I was 16. But the best part about having him already at 25 and not a decade later is that we get these moments together when I’m still young and he gets to enjoy my parents who are still able to play with him and be with him due to their younger age. He’s also gotten to meet my grandmother and spend time with her which probably wouldn’t have happened if I waited years to have him.
“I became a mother technically at age 27, but my daughter was born the day before my birthday so the very next day I turned 28 haha. She’s born on Nov 3 and I was born on Nov 4. I didn’t necessarily have any setbacks or judgments due to my age, but I did get several judgments or smart remarks about when I got pregnant. My daughter was unplanned and we had only been married 3 months when we found out we were expecting [antibiotics definitely do negate birth control]. She is our best surprise! But since it was so soon after our wedding, the smart remarks and judgments were definitely there. Looking back I’m so glad I became a mother when I did. 28 was the perfect age because I had matured a lot. This is not the same for everyone, but I was a very immature person in my early twenties and I don’t think I would’ve handled motherhood well. I was battling depression on and off throughout my twenties and it wasn’t til my late twenties that I learned how to.”
“I got married at 21 and we always said we would wait at least 5 years so we could figure out life first. We ended up waiting 7 and I became a mom at 28. I honestly never thought much about my age and whether I was a young or old mom. It was just the right time for us. But I remember when my son was about 3 (so I was 31) - I was at a play date and another mom who was about 24 complimented me by saying she learns so much from older moms. She meant it nicely but it took me by surprise because I didn’t feel like an “older mom”. So fast forward 12 years and I just had my 4th baby at age 40. Thankfully, I feel better now and have more energy than I did in my 20’s because I’ve learned a few secrets about nutrition. So although the medical community looked at me a little different during pregnancy, I felt great. And I still do not feel like an older mom.”
“I was 28 years old. I had no setbacks or judgments. Approaching 30 I felt more mature & ready for this next step in life. In my young 20s I was still figuring out life & quite frankly still trying to find the man I wanted to spend my life with & have a family with. All of the stars finally aligned and it turned out perfect.”
“I became a mother at the age of 29! To be honest I really had no set backs. I was in a great place in my career, had saved a good amount of money, had a good stable man by my side and was very comfortable with children as I worked with the kids at my church. With that said we did live in the city and needed to find a house as soon as possible that was fit to raise a child. A lot of people say you’ll never be 100% ready for a child but to be honest I think I was. Late 20s is a great age in life! You know what you want and you’ve become true to you and hopefully are making a decent living. I also think choosing a hands on, loving significant other is a big part of feeling ready and I finally found that! The best aspects at becoming a mother in my late 20s was that I was so ready. I didn’t feel like I was giving up late nights as I was growing out of it and passed that stage. My daughter gave me purpose and I was ready to start the next chapter of my life raising her!”
“I became a mom at the age of 34, then 36, and then 41. My 3rd baby was actually my second marriage and he is the glue of our family so to speak. I did have some judgments. I had a lot of people that judged me, especially when I was pregnant when I was 41. It was because I was a little older and also because I worked out (I’m a cross-fit coach) up until about 2 weeks before delivery and I had a lot of people who had a lot of issues with that and being that I was 40 and 41 with the pregnancy they just thought that I shouldn’t be active. I had a lot of messages from people like ‘You’re not taking care of yourself’ when I actually was and I was being taken care of by a doctor. When I was 34 and 36 my life was very different then, it was in my first marriage and i was also in Corporate America at that time working 40-60 hours. I didn’t get to enjoy a lot, I couldn’t be very present. With my 3rd baby I had done a lot of mindset training, and had worked with a lot of mentors, I launched my own business and left the corporate world and with that pregnancy, having a baby at that age, being financially secure and being able to have a partner that was fully involved and being able to be really present in the moment.”
“36 when I was lucky enough to have my first! I was considered high risk naturally because of my age but I still went about my preparation the same way. I treated the pregnancy the same way I did from when I training for the Olympics. Kept working out the entire pregnancy, was mindful of everything I put into my body, drank lots of water, ate healthy and listened to my body! I know all that preparation payed off. My husband and I had been together for 12 years and we were both recently retired from our sports careers. We were fully committed and eager for that next chapter of our lives and it’s the best one yet. Nothing compares to being a mom.”
“I first became a mother at 36 years young and then again at 40. Many setbacks and judgments, but mostly from other people. I am far more healthy at 40 then I use to be in my 20’s. I got into health & fitness in my mid 30’s. The worst is doctors consider it a “geriatric” pregnancy...which to me is ridiculous. The best part about being an older mom is I feel like I’ve already done a lot of things in my life. I’ve traveled, I’ve been spontaneous and crazy and motherhood is just the next obvious step for me.”
“I became a momma at 40. This was not by choice though. We struggled for 7 years to get to this point and had 4 unexplained miscarriages along the way. Judgements - yes, but indirectly. People would comment on old moms not realizing that I was that age too. Setbacks- yes. Because of my age and fertility history I was encouraged to have every test under the sun which cost us thousands and thousands of Rand's and made me so anxious throughout my pregnancy. I wish I didn't worry as much then. Best aspects - at my age I'm financially stable and emotionally more prepared for the changes a child brings to your life. I don't miss the club scene (lol) or have fomo, I'm content to be me, looking after my miracle baby girl as best I know how.”
“I became a mother 2 months shy of 42 (just ripe). I think the judgment came before I became pregnant. A lot of, ‘Are you sure you want to go through this?’ or ‘Or how old will you be when he is in college?’ ‘Your body will NEVER be the same.’ But this was very minimal compared to the love and encouragement I received from friends and family. Yes there are definitely some setbacks. Your body recovers slower, and your energy level is not the same but we are both very active parents. The best aspect is PATIENCE! By far! Something happens to a women around her late 30s to early 40s. We just don’t sweat the small stuff, our career is set or you have a clearer view of what you want to do. Some of your views on life are not as complicated, simple things makes you happy. I don’t overthink things.”
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